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Ashley isn't doing well and wants to go to Heaven now. She's so tired. In so much pain. Ready to go home. You'd think I'd want her suffering to end so she could be at peace this holiday season, but I can't help but think about the pain her passing will bring. I wish that I was selfless enough to understand her desire to be done with all of this, but I'm not. And it gets even worse because I don't feel this way because I hate seeing what the thought of losing her is doing to her family--it's because I don't want to let her go, at least not yet.
I want to see her again, even though I know it wouldn't be like when I saw her this past summer. She wouldn't be laughing and having fun with her cousins. She wouldn't be able to tell me stories or help me make dinner or read me her favorite book. But I want to hold her in my arms one last time and tell her how much I love her, how grateful I am to know her, what a source of joy and love and learning she is in my life.
Yet a part of me knows I won't get that chance. I keep telling myself I was blessed to be able to do this last June when I saw her. I should be grateful for the time I've had with Ashley and the wonderful blessing her family has been in my life. But that just isn't enough. I don't know if anything will ever be enough.
And as hard as it is for me to relinquish any kind of control, this really is in God's hands. I have said my goodbyes and now I need to be at peace with that. Though my heart is braking, I need to trust that everything will be all right in the end. Things in life always seem to work out, and now I just need to have a little faith that even this will work out, too.
- Location:Washington, DC
Thus was born Christmas Adam, or the night before Christmas Eve.
It's really a no-frills holiday tradition filled with non-traditions. We eat some food, tell some jokes and make Mom wonder how all of us ended up with our dad's sense of humor. The dinner fare is always different, and sometimes we do it at my sister's house rather than my parents. Dad gets excited about the bubble lights on the tree, and Mom cries either because we're all together or because someone is missing.
Oh, yes, and we watch While You Were Sleeping. And the three of us kids spend the night together curled up on my sister's bed talking--even when we all lived together, it was always my sister's room.
P.S. I changed the title of my novel from a boring working title to a title I actually like. Thanks Melissa and Tom for the help!
- Location:Washington, DC
They are my friends, my confidants, my teachers and my own personal cheerleaders. Never once have they said it couldn't be done, overcome or figured out. They encourage me to reach for the stars and set the example.
Both near and far, I love them bunches.
P.S. I hit the halfway point with my NaNoWriMo WIP. I can't believe I am actually doing this and keeping (almost) on track!
- Location:Washington, DC
- Location:Washington, DC
So why he's living here
while I'm living here
I'll never know.
I used to think the view of my city's skyline was pretty cool
until I saw what he gets to see everyday
and life just doesn't seem fair anymore.
So here's to the kid who I used to joke would be the unemployed bum who would have to crash on my couch. I'll be the bum on your couch just as soon as I can afford the plane ticket.
So here's to the kid who I used to joke would be the unemployed bum who would have to crash on my couch. I'll be the bum on your couch just as soon as I can afford the plane ticket.
- Location:Washington, DC
Whenever Drew (or "Freddy" as the guys all call him) comes into town for a job, he'll give me a call. Sometimes we meet up for dinner or go to a movie or just hang out at my place. But every once in awhile he'll be working a night or evening shift down the street from my house so I'll bring him dinner or keep him company while he waits for a job to start. I'm not really versed in the intricacies of his job, but I know that his company cures water pipes using a rosin system rather than digging up roads and replacing old concrete pipes. Drew assures me this method creates about an eighth of the carbon footprint and nearly triples the lifetime of the water system.
Last night I stuck around for a little and watched Drew at work, and I have to admit, I was kind of impressed with all of the work that goes into what they do. I don't think I'll ever look at tap water the same way again. (It was about 10:30 p.m. when I took these pictures, so I had to lighten them considerably so you can kind of see what's going on.)
I've always wondered why so many people just "stand around" on a construction sight, but after watching how much attention is required to maintain, operate and monitor all the machinery and equipment, I understand why so many people are needed. And watching my cousin be lowered into a deep, dark hole in the middle of the road made me grateful there were so many trained guys there to watch over him.
I don't envy Drew having to go into that hole. I guess after so many years as a Marine, he's kind of used to damp, dark and dirty, but I'd get claustrophobic real quick.
Our jobs might be vastly different, and we might look like polar opposites, but we're still family and have a lot of fun together. We like to trade books (we both have a weakness for urban fantasy and the paranormal), and we're going to Crue Fest 2 together next weekend. He was also with me the first time I saw the Nats actually win a game.
- Location:Washington, DC
Do you have any idea what 4:30 a.m. looks like? Dark. I have stayed up that late before, but I don't think I've ever seen it from the other side. 
My little brother is leaving for Hawaii in a few weeks (he's in the Navy), and this was his last weekend-day off before he leaves. I wanted to be able to spend a little more time with him, but it ended up that I wasn't able to leave until early Saturday morning. It kind of is a beautiful drive, after it gets light enough to see, anyway.
Six hours. The 365 miles from my house to my brother's takes six hours, and $24 in tolls. It's because of all the bridges. (Don't tell Delaware, but I didn't have enough cash on me to pay the toll because I hadn't realized there wasn't an exit before I could stop at an ATM, but the attendant assured me because I stopped, I will only get a bill in the mail and not a ticket.)
Even the Jersey Turnpike is beautifully green in the spring.
That is until you get within spitting distance on NYC. Then all you get is smog and concrete.
Wave to New York!
By the time I crossed the George Washington Bridge into New York State, it was almost 9 a.m. and I was feeling totally lonely. There's only so much Carbon Leaf you can listen to before you need real human interaction. It didn't help that I was passing through Yonkers when Green Day's "All By Myself" came on my iPod and I began thinking about that play "Lost in Yonkers."
Thank heavens my roommate was awake and talked to my until the Connecticut boarder.
How do you know when you've finally reached Connecticut? The beautiful day turns into a misty midnight. Form that point, the fog began to lift and my parents talked to me until I got within ten miles of my brother's house.
I only had about twelve hours to spend with my brother because he had to report on base at 7:30 a.m. the next morning, but we made the best of our time. We went to the Book Barn, this great used bookstore with outbuildings full of books. (This picture is from the Book Barn's website because I forgot to grab my camera.)
Of course we also ate New England seafood and walked along the Mystic harbor. (Sorry, this picture is from last fall because, again, no camera.)
But probably the most fun was being able to meet a bunch of my brother's buddies from the boat. Everybody was getting together this weekend for one last hurrah before being shipped out, so I got to meet a bunch of the people my brother is always telling stories about and have become his family out here. I'm glad I got to meet so many of them before they go 5,000 miles away. We finished off the night with a bonfire and goofing off.
I'm really going to miss my brother because, let's face it, I might love an excuse to go to Hawaii in the next three years, but unless I come into an unexpected inheritance from a long-lost, third-great-aunt's exhusband's cousin twice removed, that is one expensive trip to take. So today I will enjoy the quiet New England spring and get some writing done, drive six more hours, spend $24 more in tolls, and be glad for the time I could spend with my little bro.
- Location:Mystic, CT
I guess my little brother really isn't all that little anymore. He's taller than me, probably smarter than I am, and has been able to take me in a tickle fight for about ten years now. But he's still my baby brother.Michael's been talking about coming to visit since I moved to Washington, but because he's stationed on a Navy sub, that's easier said than done. He finally had a weekend off, and then I got sick. So he came down anyway. A nine-and-a-half-hour drive to spend two days with a mucussy, coughy mess of a sister--now that is love.
I haven't been the life of the party this weekend (in fact, he's downtown with friends right now, and I came home to sleep), but it's been nice to spend time with him. We talked late into the night after he got here, and then we went out to brunch and talked some more. We went and saw a movie, and then he hung out at my place while I took a nap. That was followed by more talking and dinner.
So here's to spending time with family. Though we may live far away from each other and have become very different people with different goals and ideals, we have a common bond that cannot fade with time or distance or experience. Call me sentimental, but that's what family really is.
P.S. We are finally getting nice weather again. The snow is all gone and the sun is shining.
- Location:Washington, DC
Mo Willems is coming to Washington, DC! I cannot even begin to express how excited I am to see the Great Mo Willems. I have wanted to go to one of his signings for a couple years, and now I actually get to do it. The only thing that could make this any more exciting would be for Brian Selznick to come as well, but that's just the selfish me talking.
Another amazing person coming to DC is my sister. The good Illinoisians that we are, we want to support Obama at the inauguration. She's driving down to spend the week stalking Obama. My friends and coworkers all think we're nuts, but who wants to miss this kind of history? So we'll brave the crowds and maybe in a couple weeks I'll have some fuzzy President Obama pictures for you.
- Location:Washington, DC
This isn't a great picture, but it's what I found in my email bin Ch
ristmas afternoon. The quilt is a beautiful green and purple, and I especially like it because it reminds me of gardening with my dad. So to have something my mother made that reminds me of my favorite activity with my dad, now that's a special Christmas present.
I was planning on hitting up a couple after-Christmas sales yesterday, but I woke up sick. I've been watching TV online and think I have found my new favorite show—The Legend of the Seeker. It reminded me of the old Hercules and Xena shows that I loved to much in middle school. It even airs Saturday afternoon like those shows did and features a lot of the same character actors. Of course this wonderful invention called the internet helped me confirm that it is produced by the same people. I am a genius. (Okay, the internet is a genius.) It's been fun to watch, but I'm trying not to get too attached because shows never seem to last very long anymore. I miss the old days when you could depend on even a crappy show staying on the air for a couple of years.
I want to get a haircut. I've even made an appointment for New Years Eve. I'd like to go shorter and funkier, but I don't know if I'm brave enough to do it. I'm thinking of getting it cut like Ashley Greene who played Alice Cullan in the Twilight movie. Though I didn't much care for the movie, I think the haircut is cute. Plus I like to wear headbands, and this seems like a god headband haircut. What do you think?
- Location:Washington, DC
My dad just lost his job this week (that is not one of the five things to make you smile), so I've been worried about him today. I can't say I'm all that surprised—I knew eventually we would feel the effects of the economy in our family as well.
So in a time when things look bleak, I wanted to focus on the simple joys in life. So here are five things that make me laugh that can bring a smile to your face as well.
#1—Blogs. Ann Dee Ellis especially makes me laugh when she posts. He little boy is just too cute and her writing style is so endearing. Thanks for always making me laugh, Ann Dee.
#2—Movies. “While You Were Sleeping” has become a family tradition around the holidays. We love the characters and can totally relate to the family dinners. But the part that ALWAYS makes me laugh is when the little boy is delivering newspapers on his bike and slips on a patch of ice. The newspaper goes in one direction and he goes in the other. I have to rewind that part about five times to get enough of it. So, thank you, random paper boy who is probably now older than me, for allowing me to laugh at your pain.
#3—TV shows. My sister just got me into “30 Rock,” and I laugh every time I watch it. I didn’t expect to like it so much, but I do. In last week’s episode when Jack runs over his mother with the car and her legs are sticking out like the Wicked Witch of the West, I couldn’t stop laughing. Alec Baldwin, you are one funny man. (You can watch the two-minute recap here.)
#4—Poetry slams. Maybe it’s because I worked in the public school system for a few years or was an editor for too long, but no one can make me laugh like Taylor Mali. It is funny because it’s true. Not that I am guilt free when it comes to conviction, but thanks for making me laugh, Taylor Mali.
#5—Music. I have always had an affinity for strange songs that make me laugh, and when my old roommate introduced me to Cheryl Wheeler, I knew I had found a kindred spirit. Who would have though a song about potatoes could be so funny? Cheryl, you’re a friggin’ genius.
- Location:Washington, DC
2. Though many of the indie bookstores in my area have closed, one just opened! I'm excited to visit Hooray for Book! to see what they have to offer. And I'll be visiting many of the other indie bookstores in DC in the coming weeks.
3. I am living with two of my favorite people again. Celeste and Corinna were my roommates in college and just happened to have an empty room in their apartment right when I was looking for one. They are tons of fun and both have a passion for YA and children's lit. We have already started trading books and recommendations--even Celeste's boyfriend Kevin is getting in on the book-fun.
4. There are an over-abundance or great Asian restaurants in this area. I can find great Korean, Indian, Thai, Chinese, Japanese...The list could go on forever. I LOVE Asian foods and am excited to be around so many of them.
5. You can do DC on a budget any day. Because so many of the sites in DC are federally funded, I can visit great art, historic sites, gardens, all for free. I know it is kind of nerdy to admit, but I love spending the day wandering museums and learning about interesting things.
6. Some great musicians frequent DC. I know, more of them go to Chicago and the music scene in SLC is more intimate, but there is Ford's Theater, the Kennedy Center, music halls, jazz clubs and so much more right on my doorstep.
7. My brother has talked about coming to visit me for New Year's, my sister is planning a trip out here for the Inauguration, my dad will be here for a conference in March and my mom is visiting for Independence Day. We might not all be together this holiday season, but we'll all see each other again soon. And I'll get to share with each of them in the coming months.
- Location:Washington, DC
I know I should be grateful I come from a big family because it means more people to love, more people to depend on, more people to connect with. But honestly, the best part of coming from a big family is the holidays.
While I just have a younger brother and an older sister, my mom is number eight of twelve, and my dad is the youngest of eight. When you include cousins, in-laws and visiting friends, you can't imagine the number of people we fit into modest-sized homes. As a military family, we always joke we have enough people to make a platoon and enough food to feed a company.
I don't often get to spend holidays with my family and as I won't be home for Christmas this year, I'm especially excited about Thanksgiving. My mom and sister make the pies (I watch from a safe distance), my aunt Marty makes the sweet potato casserole, my aunt Elaine brings the veggies, and the list goes on. I can't wait to see everyone and dig in.
Check out these pies, not including the cream pies Gwen will make tomorrow morning. Maybe if I have just one bit of each pie I won't half to be rolled home at the end of the day. Oh, who am I kidding? I'll have to be rolled home anyway, so I might as well dig in.
(back: apple and cherry; front: pumpkin, pecan, pumpkin)
- Location:Aurora, IL
Okay, enough showing off how many great authors come to my area.
I have all of these pictures that I keep meaning to post but never seem to get around to. So here are a few pictures from all the adventures I have been having in the last month. Unfortunately, most of the adventures took place in the rain, so I look like a drown rat in a couple while others are kind of hard to see because of the cloud cover.
A couple friends and I took a river boat tour of Chicago. Both Tia and Leah just moved to the area, so I wanted to take them to see the city from a different perspective.
Going on an evening cruise of Lake Geneva was a great way to say farewell to the nice weather. I spent a lot of summers as a kid on this lake where the likes of Al Capone and William Wrigley spent their vacations.
I know, my little brother is just too cute. It might look sunny in this picture, but we spent hours in the rain at Mystic Seaport climbing through old ships.
And of course what would a trip to New England be without stopping by the Green Monster? I might not be a Red Sox fan, but I sure can appreciate the history that took place at this old ball field.
In other er...things...I've been getting ready for Halloween by writing horror stories. I've written a couple of short mellow dramas, including a modern re-telling of Edger Allen Poe's A Tell-Tale Heart. I was inspired by a 1940's short I saw last night of this story and thought, what if it wasn't a guy killing his master but a woman killing her husband. Poe never does specify what gender the murderer is.
What horror stories will you be telling this Halloween?
- Location:Aurora, IL
I am so happy I could jump up and down screaming. Okay, so I did that for about 20 minutes last night after watching the rest of the Sox-Twins game. I got home just in time to see A.J. Pierzynski's cheeky catch and show, Jim Thome's amazing home run (the only scoring run of the game), Danks' brilliant pitching, and Brian Anderson's face-planting, game-ending catch. Wow. Just wow. I can't wait for tomorrow's game. I know Tampa has put together an amazing team this year and they have practically been unbeatable, but this is the Sox we’re talking about, and they are on a roll.
In other happy news, I started reading Brisingr by Christopher Paolini as well as Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut. Kim Kardashian finally got voted off of Dancing with the Stars and Pushing Daisies premiers tonight.
With my week starting off in Boston, spending time with my mom and brother, the Sox winning the division title and Banned Book Week kicking off, this has been a great week. I can’t wait to see what comes next.
Last year I missed the Ani DiFranco concert in Salt Lake because I was out of town. I was so upset! But I found out Ani is coming to Chicago next week, so I went online to buy tickets and found out they were over $50. So this year I'm missing the concert because I have no money. You have to love being a recent college graduate who just moved back home. If you feel sorry for me and happen to have an extra ticket lying around, I would be happy to take it off your hands for you. And if you have two extra tickets, I would be more than willing to give the other one to my friend who wants to come with me.I’m am out-of-my-skin excited to be going to visit my little brother in Connecticut this weekend. I spent one hour with his a few weeks ago while our time in Chicago overlapped for a night, and we spent two days together right before Christmas, so to be able to spend three entire days with him is almost too good to be true. This trip also means I get to go to Boston for the first time ever—I’ve always wanted to go to Boston.
In other good news, Dancing with the Stars is shaping up to be a wonderful season. I don’t think there is as much natural talent as there has been in the previous two seasons, but there are some highly entertaining personalities on this year. I love that Lacey Schwimmer, winner of So You Think You Can Dance, hopped networks to be the new rocker-chick of ballroom. Julianne Hough and Cody Linley look like Ken and Barbie (no kidding, Cody’s hair doesn’t move at all and even looks plastic). I was happy to see Jeff Ross go last night and look forward to seeing Kim Kardashian go tonight. Cloris Leachman gets my funny vote, Rocco DiSpirito gets my too-cute-for-words vote and Warren Sapp gets my surprise-of-the-season vote. But it’s Brooke Burke who it totally blowing me away. That mom can move!Okay, that’s enough talk about TV. I really need to stop this obsession and get a life.
- Location:Aurora, IL
I cannot believe it is the middle of September. I feel like it should still be the middle of summer, but with all the rain and the rapidly cooling evenings, all evidence is pointing to autumn approaching in the
But the good news is that I really have done a lot this summer. I finished my degree that has been eight years in the making. I went to the Utah Arts Festival and saw some amazing art and concerts. I moved back to the
And probably the best news is that next summer really isn't all that far away. Who knows where I'll be or what I'll have accomplished, but if I've learned anything in the past four months, it's that it is never to late to do something that's important to you. Life is always changing, and though you can never go back, you can always go forward.
- Location:Aurora, IL
I went to the Naperville Labor Day Parade this morning with my mom, two of her sisters and various other family members. I haven't been to a parade since I went to the 2006 Boise Thanksgiving Day Parade and the New York City St. Patricks Day Parade right after that. But I used to be in parades all the time when I was a marching band nerd. (In all honestly, can you really ever outgrow being a band nerd?)
The Naperville parade is a community parade through and through. All of the local high schools play, dance schools perform, clubs make floats, scout troops throw candy and politicians kiss babies. I can't vote in the Naperville elections, so I spent most of the time avoiding the flyers/head dresses/stickers/nail files/fans/frisbees people were shoving in my face and instead watched the kids around me go crazy over suckers and puppy dogs. The most exciting moment came when a local restaurant's ice cream float got stuck under the train bridge and held up the parade for quite awhile. The plumbers' union had to go around and the Wabansee High School marching band had to be held back until the float could be backed out and hauled away. This resulting in many waiting for the ice cream to melt on a hot day jokes and a special laugh on my part because I know the family who owns the restaurant, and Clinton will never hear the end of this.
(I'll post a picture of the ice cream float as soon as I get a copy from my mom, and we can all point and laugh together.)
Last night we had a big family picnic at my aunt's house. My uncle just turned 50 so we had cake and ice cream for him, but it was really an excuse for all of us to get together and have some fun. A bunch of my cousins were in town from school and jobs, and most of my mom's siblings were there (she comes from a family of 12 kids, good Roman Catholics that they are). My cousin had made his dad a bean-bag toss game for his birthday, so a bunch of use played that, but I lack the coordination it takes it get a 4-inch bean bag into a 6-in hole from twenty feet away and ended up watching most of the time. Then my cousin from California brought out her bocce ball set, and I found that I am actually pretty decent at the game because it takes more finesse and physics than actual skill and coordination. Hooray for European sports!
Now the holiday weekend is almost over. I'll have to get back to actually writing (I mean it!) and finding a job. Oh the glories of having a college degree and no job to show for it.
- Location:Aurora, IL
My mother sent me the following text message the other day:
“R u bzy 2nite? Im meeting Dad downtown 4 dinner on the train. Want 2 come?”
Since when did my fifty-some year-old mother get more text suave than me?! I’m supposed to be the one from the technological generation, and here she is sending me a text message written in code.
In all honesty, I hate cell phones. Bring on new computer software, mp3 players, GPS systems, whatever, but I really wish cell phone would leave me alone. If only it was a matter of people thinking they can get a hold of you anytime, anywhere, but it has become an obsession with Americans. Now everything is an emergency—“Call me right back!” “Why aren’t you answering you phone!” “I need to talk to you NOW!”—but it’s become an excuse for rudeness. My phone rang twice in the same class last semester, and I was mortified I hadn’t remembered to turn it off. I hate when phones ring in movie theaters or at the library, and I think there is nothing more tacky than a guy who excuses himself from a date to answer his phone (true story).
And now I have to learn a new language to communicate with my mother. This has gone too far.
- Location:Aurora, IL
We spent plenty of summer weekends driving around the Lake to get some sun and sand in Indiana or Michigan, so when our friend called to see if we wanted to join them on the beach, I readily agreed. So we said good-bye to Illinois…
Can you see the Chicago skyline in the distance? Okay let me give you a little help—this is magnified about 10000 times.
Hello to Indiana...
And then Michigan…
Okay, so we were only about 100 miles from home, but we did cross into a new time zone and gas was almost 15 cents cheaper. That alone almost made the trip worth it. Then we saw the waves and knew we were in heaven.
Don’t I look so happy and pale in this picture? This was taken about half an hour after getting to the beach after one coat of sunscreen. Have no fear, after three more hours and two more coats of sunscreen I still managed to end up looking like a tomato. Curse my fair complexion! Why do I have to take after my Polish grandmother and not get the coloring of my Italian heritage?
Getting back to the point, you’d think we were on Ocean from that vast expanse of water. If we had gone to the Indiana Dunes, you can still see the Chicago skyline, but in Michigan on slightly overcast and high pollution level days, you can’t see the other side. And this was just about a perfect day, with a few clouds and a good breeze coming off the Lake.
So we swam...
And we sunned...
And we played in the mud...
Well, other people played in the mud. I didn’t have time for the spa treatment because we had to leave a little early, so I sat on the beach to…err…tan while everyone else went and got dirty.
It was a great day. I want to go back next weekend and the weekend after that and the one after that. In fact, I wouldn’t be opposed to going to the beach every weekend from now until it snows. I guess I do have this—let’s call it total hatred—for the cold, so maybe it will just have to be every weekend from now until the middle of September. Yeah, I could go for that.
P.S. Our soundtrack for this trip was all amazing female artists including the CDs Volume One by Zooey Deschanel & M. Ward, Tropical Brainstorm by Kirsty MacColl and Am I Blue? by Melissa Pace. Kristin Chenoweth also made a guest appearance with I believe two encores of "Taylor, the Latte Boy."
- Location:Aurora, IL
